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How do we see ourselves, our thoughts, emotions, and stories that allow us to thrive in this world? People perceive what they perceive, but what's going on inside... may be utterly elusive to the outside world.
How do we feel inside and manage what’s going on inside our mind? Emotional agility is necessary to survive the trials life has to offer. To have the ability to manage the world around you means being agile in a rigid world. There is destructive power in denial. If you can't see yourself or refuse to see your own hand in the creation of your current state of being... if it's everyone else's fault you are where you are, you'll only suffer because you aren't realizing you bring your life into being.
Grief has a massive weight no one would know or even could know unless its happening to them personally. Comparing how you manage grief to someone else's process doesn't help the one grieving. We all have our own process. In contrast, joy has a light weight freeing the mind from reality in so many ways. It illuminates the frequency of our very soul.
Research on emotional suppression show that emotions that are pushed aside or ignored grow bigger and get stronger. Amplification of emotions is a real thing and occurs without us even knowing it's happening. The more you try to ignore it, the greater its hold on you. When grief strikes, the feelings you're sensing - it's your own self-love wanting your attention. It's an invitation to pause. Not pausing is the act of suppression.
Saying things like “I just want this feeling to go away.” “I don’t want to feel sadness anymore.” - these words don't help.
Those are dead people’s goals. Only dead people don’t get inconvenienced by their feelings of grief, or sadness, or by stressful situations. They don’t manage the remorse of doing things wrong. Only dead people don't have to ruminate on past choices. When you feel a tough emotion don’t just exit and forget it. What is the emotion telling you? You are not your emotions. You are you, emotions are a data source offering information, that's it. The feelings they create... that's what you can become aware of. Sensing you are having a feeling - and knowing all feelings arise, we can become aware of them, and then... they subside - this is pure awareness. With awareness we can return to joy in a split second even in the worst of times.
When the sense of suffering is eating at your very spirit, when you feel unheard, unseen, or disregarded in your feelings, sit quietly. Look in the mirror and say, I see you. The recognition of your own feelings back to yourself may be the very thing missing that can restore your emotional resilience.
And by the way... I see you. If you feel a chill, that's my spirit loving yours in the most connected way. If you feel it, that's joy reinserting itself, right now, in the present moment where everything happens.