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When I was around 20 my father, whom always had some form of advise for “being” in the world told me, “Whatever it is you chose to do in life, be of service to others. Don’t wait for someone to give anything to you” That resonated with me then and still, in so many ways it is simply a way of being in the world for me.
Yet, as a giver, I’ve learned that most people are takers. Selfish and uncaring, awaiting others good nature and living under the assumption that the way to get something is to take it. No matter, it doesn’t take the giving out of me. From the loss of the man I thought I’d spend the second half of my life with was taken out of his physical form which gave me the opportunity to dig a little deeper into self-exploration. Some days it seems like he was just here. Other days, I think, memories and imagination are so close in sensation, I can almost convince myself that it was all just a dream.
But then, I open my eyes and somehow, I’ve woken up in a house in the middle of Naples, Florida for reasons beyond my own benefit. Buying a house to help a high school friend and her daughter wasn’t on my list of healing processes post the loss of Chris. Moving near a good high school to benefit my god daughter, buying a house with three bedrooms to offer shelter for them both, increasing the cost of my life for no other reason than to help.
Yet these women were blood suckers. Take, take, and take more. Don’t buy groceries, don’t clean the house, don’t buy dinners - that’s Sue’s job. Take and take more and more until I couldn’t take their take anymore. It’s time to give back to my soul, give back to my need for peace and calm.
And with all the giving, when I finally give back to myself, radio silence. Soulless, rude, unconscionable actions to do nothing but take even more. Often you must let go to give.