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When you feel grief, pain, loss, and regret inside how do you manage those feelings? Research on emotional suppression show that emotions that are pushed aside or ignored grow bigger and get stronger. The only thing that keeps me from staying in these feelings I think is my emotional agility.
What is emotional agility? I'd define it as having the ability to manage the world around you by finding your way back to the present moment.
Saying, “I just want this feeling to go away” or “I don’t want to feel sadness anymore” doesn't work. Those are dead people’s goals. Only dead people don’t get inconvenienced by their feelings or stress. They don’t manage the remorse of doing things wrong or the wish to go back and do it a different way to make the present moment more bearable.
I heard someone say "courage is not an absence of fear, courage is fear walking." Time is precious and brief. When our time comes to face our fragility, our emotional fears and losses that will occur, the universe will ask us, "are you agile?" The loss of my husband is making me recognize my life long correspondence with myself needs daily attention to survive.
I can see myself, accept my judgements and my choices and love myself anyway - which allows me to see others and connect to the present moment. The only sustainable way to move forward when you lose someone you love so deeply you feel a part of your own being has died, you must move forward with compassion and love. And the only way to do that is to bring yourself back to the here and now. This is where healing begins.